Saturday, April 04, 2015

When Adam Becomes Eve

This is a true story of a wandering soul who came across my path. Her name is Cassandra. She is trapped in that big boy’s body, like a virgin inside an iron maiden, tortured for being a witch, tormented for being misunderstood. 

She is tortured by being a boy. But she is a boy. As God has decreed it in the heavens and on earth, she was born to be a son of Adam- with a penis and a flesh that was meant to be hairy, smelly, deprived of any grace or feminine fragrance.

The sons of Adam were ordained to be protectors, great providers, and stewards of all creation- the trees and the beasts of the earth, the winged creatures of the air, and the creatures of the rivers and the deep seas. They were the children who were born to feel entitled to dominate and to shape history and future of everything under the sun. To be otherwise and to abdicate from such divine prerogative is, if not shameful, the most abominable action a man can commit.

The worst of all is to feel attracted to his kind. The sons of Adam were expected to be with the daughters of Eve. In the past, when sanctity ruled in the most ruthless and bloody manner, any man who deviates from what was sanctioned by the heavens will face shame and death because abandoning what was meant for you was a great sin.

Fast forward to thousands of years later, the time when we are living under grace, enlightenment and science. It feels like we’re still living in the ancient days.

Now, as men progresses towards the age of possibilities and tolerance and cultural evolution, the preachers and ministers are enraged, and they rant and rave, calling doctors as charlatans, calling medical experts are servants of the underworld.

Cassandra couldn’t go on living a life of lies, pretending to be somebody else. She embraced human progress, and renounced the truth that established the world. She will go under the knife. Penniless as she is, she is undaunted to embark on this journey to womanhood, a journey with a new experimental medical procedure and without any payment.

I admire her courage. And I admire her unbending will to decide to live true to herself. I told her the complications of hormones. Even natural women are wrecked by their own hormones, making them complex. “But if that means finding happiness, then why not?”, she said. And soon she will be resurrected, in a new body that will never be glorified by any believer.

I’m not really envious. I am happy with this lard-like body and my penis. I am happy with myself. But I ask the heavens, why would God demand us to walk in truth and condemn us to eternal flames by being ourselves, but welcome us at the pearly gates of paradise if we live a false life, pretending to love women, and hate our kind? What is holy about that? 

Thursday, April 02, 2015

In the beginning was the Word and the Word was kind of gay....

So much holiness going around this season of piety and penitence. All of a sudden, the worldly are all like, “I’m not eating anything organic or meat, I am all fish and fasting, all that shit. Amen. Hallelujah.” And the more conservatives are like, “I am going beyond fasting and prayers. I am not gonna have sex with my husband/wife. I am condemning abortion, condoms, Lady Gaga and I’m bashing the next door fag.”

And my title is nothing short of a blasphemy.

Really. Because the holiest of all sacred acts and things will be bashing the next-door fag (after being intoxicated with alcohol and banging the fairy’s bubble butt, or that time when those conservative men accidentally stuck out their dicks for a free blow).

I am not a ruthless polemicist who will rant about church practices and denounce unscriptural doctrines. The never ending and irreconcilable differences of Protestants and Catholics, and our bloody history- yes, and they are the ones who usually preach against divorce. Ah the hypocrisy!

And I have this against all Christianity. Yes, you heard me. I am taking down in this entry, not only my own, but the others as well. You are all hypocrites. You dare to taunt and decry and denounce us gays and our fabulous lives, you don’t even know that your weapon was commissioned by the most fabulous alleged fag in history, His Royal Highness and Most Fabulous Majesty King James.

from Wikipedia
King James VI and I was the king of Scotland, and later on, king of England and Ireland. He inherited the throne after Elizabeth I died, and eventually ruled over three thrones. And he happens to be one of my favourite historical monarchs for being ruler over many kingdoms.

He wasn’t a powerhouse like his predecessors. But he was very conciliatory towards Catholics and establish a reign with a certain degree of tolerance. Note: this king who commissioned our Bible, dear Bible-believing freaks, practiced the culture of tolerance. At the time, Catholics and other Protestants had fucked up the whole system and all his kingdoms that he had to commission a new bible because all God’s men were fucked up with their own holy bibles.

James himself was a learned man and literature flourished during his reign, producing great men such as Shakespeare and Francis Bacon.

And the most interesting thing was his scandal-ridden court. Although the king was married a Danish princess, Anne of Denmark, and sired three children who survived adulthood, he was surrounded by pretty boys and handsome noblemen, and had a roster of male favourites, who are not only smart but also well-versed in all learning.

It’s funny to think how preachers condemn gays and lesbians by quoting from the holy scripture commissioned by a sovereign who made his bed chambers with tunnels leading to the sleeping quarters of his male favourites. Alam na this.

But these are all stories. I mean, no holy man has ever admitted to buggering their male companions, the way those hardcore Muslim Talibans are savagely butt-fucking those young Afghan boys but still manage to pray five times a day. No, as God is their witness, they do not commit abominable acts. So go, quote and quote from King James’ Bible. Quote pa more!

Thursday, March 12, 2015

Goodreads so far of 2015...

The past two months gave me a chance to read the best reads so far of this year
  1. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets- There’s no need for me to elaborate on this or write down a review. Hello? It’s the Harry Potter series. I’m planning to finish the whole saga this year.
  2. Manananggal Terrorizes Manila and Other Stories by Jessica Zafra- thank you so much Ms. Balut for this wonderful gift. This is a collection of Zafra’s best short stories. They will make you cry, they will make you wonder, and they will make you wander in a world created by Her Universal Potentate Jessica of the Universe.
  3. The 500 People You Meet in Hell by Jessica Zafra- again another hilarious book that will truly quench your longing for revenge. It is as if she condemned all the assholes in your life to the place where they truly belong.
  4. Darth Vader and Son- Here’s a treat for all the Star Wars fans and geeks out there. It’s a comic book about the early years of Darth Vader as a loving father and his little brat Luke Skywalker. Simply hilarious.
  5. Predator by Patricia Cornwell- the book was ok. Just that. Not as exciting as her early works but it’s ok.
  6. Lucrezia Borgia by Maria Bellonci- A nice history book. However I wasn’t able to finish this. I left it somewhere in Batangas during our trip there, together with my favourite gold-plated Coptic Church cross bookmark.
  7. Duchessina by Carolyn Meyer- An interesting book that enriched the shelf of my beloved princess stories. The dramatized story of the early years of the richest European princess, Catherine de’ Medici, Duchess of Urbino, and a princess of Florence.

I am two books ahead of my Book Challenge 2015.

Currently reading- Wind-up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami

That was a phase...

The last three entries were about porn and men. Pagpapakita na there’s a lonely rotten slut in my personality too. Hahaha! Epekto ng Pilipinas siguro. Medyo na wash away na.

So here I am again in Florence, after 50 days, a billion kilos, and a thousand cups ng extra rice, I’m back to pasta, pesto, and pizza, and crazy working hours, running a near-bankrupt restaurant, having espresso in the morning like there’s no shit going on in our shitty economy.

But despite all these, I am happy to be back. And my sweat glands are quite happy to feel again the cool climate. My ass is happy again to sit in my car and drive around roads that are not always congested (fuck you EDSA).

I am putting back again that shitty horny TG somewhere in the basement. Kung anu-anong kahihiyan na ang idinulot niyan sakin. 

Sunday, March 08, 2015

Isang Pagsusuri Mula Sa Prospektibo ng Isang Ginoo (o di kaya naman ay Ang Voyeuristic Approach ng Isang Repressed na Manyak na Nagbakasyon na Akala Mo’y Namamakyaw ng Laman sa Palengke), Na Kung Saan Ang Lahat Ng May Vagina ay Hindi Binigyan ng Pansin (Obvious, duh!)

Hindi ko alam kung culture-shock ang maitatawag ko sa sensation na naranasan ko nang ako’y magbakasyon sa Pilipinas lalu na pagdating sa pagoobserba ng mga kalalakihan. Ayoko sabihin na nanlalalaki ako na parang namalengke lang ng karne. Nagobserba lang.

Hayaan niyo akong isa-isahin ang mga napansin ko sa mga kabataan at kalalakihan ng Pilipinas.

1.      Fresh Demographics- Ang majority sa populasyon natin ay binubuo ng maraming bagito at binatilyo (at mga dalagita, gusto ko lang banggitin dahil baka sabihin na unfair ang treatment ko). Nakakapanibago sa paningin lalu na sa isang ginoo na nagmula sa Italya (puro matatanda, as in old, not the sexy kind of old). I have already established here na wala akong interest sa mga bata, in general. Pero nakakapanibago lang talaga sa paningin ang makakita ng mga cute.
2.       The Native Flavors- Araw-araw nako exposed sa mga uber sa gwapo na mala-model, hunk daddies, at exotic latin-lover look sa Italya. Pero masasabi ko pa rin na iba pa rin ang panlasang pinoy. Hindi pa rin pahuhuli ang mga kalalakihan natin. Of course hindi ko naman masasabi kung alin ang mas masarap dahil unang-una, wala pa po akong natitikman. Ang basehan po dito ay kung sino ang mas appetizing. Sa akin lang opinion, may certain appeal ang Pinoy na wala ang mga puti.
And speaking of flavors, marami talagang flavor ang mga lalaking Pilipino. Isa na yata sa natutunan ko ay ang mga ‘paminta’. Madami din naman ganyan dito sa Italya, at mas mahirap yata sila ma-distinguish. O siguro mahina lang ang radar ko?
3.      Daddies- Lamang ang mga mature guys sa Pinas kaysa sa Italy dahil kahit umabot ng 50, with proper diet, work-out, and the right aesthetic maintenance, bata pa rin at malinamnam pa rin ang hitsura ng mga Pinoy, unlike here, kapag hindi naalagaan ang sarili, well, wala silang choice kundi ang magpayaman para maging sugar daddy. I’m not sure kung malinaw ba ang point ko dito.
4.      Sariwa- Mas maraming bagito sa Baguio sa tingin ko. Ewan ko lang. I’ve been to the capital and other provinces, and so far, Baguio ang may pinaka maraming cute na fresh talaga tingnan. Siguro dahil malamig ang panahon, o dahil malapit ang mga schools sa Session Road?
5.      100 pesos- Pinakamababa na sigurong offer para maabot daw ang langit. Sa pag-ikot ko minsan sa bayan sa probinsya namin, may nag-alok. In fairness ha, good deal yung 100 pesos na yon sa hitsura ni kuya. But you know me, pakipot na Maria Clara. Makukumpleto na sana kabaklaan ko noon pero tumalikod na lang ako dahil kapag nabigla ako ng ganon, hindi ko na alam ang gagawin. Nag-panic ako. Hahaha! Bakit ba sa bakla kumakapit ang mga tambay na ito kapag naggigipit?!
6.      Hotspots-  A good friend of mine ay nagturo sakin ng isang “hotspot” sa Baguio kung saan makakaranas ng boom-boom-pow action. Mga underground spots. Kahit sa MRT daw may isang sulok na puede na. Iba talaga ang Pinoy. Gagawin lahat para mapayapa ang kati.

Anyway, nakakapagod talaga ang usapang lalaki. Sabi ng kaibigan ko dapat nagpunta daw ako sa mga “spa” at sa mga clubs, lalu na sa mga strip clubs. Ok, I may be desperate for a penis right now pero wala talaga sa system ko ang magmasid sa ganong areas. Maybe someday. In fact, baka dalhin daw niya ako sa isang strip club dito sa Italy. Mas mainam daw dito dahil mas malalaki. Sigh. Minsan mas babae pa ako sa babaeng yon. Hahaha!