Sunday, November 16, 2014

Rome in a Day...

Para sa mga taong in- denial sa kahit anong issue sa buhay... may restaurant na para sa inyo dito sa Rome... hahahaha!

Friday, November 07, 2014

That Sound in My Head...

I’ve been hit many times by LSS, or the Last Song Syndrome. LSS happens when you hear a random song and it gets stuck in your head, playing on and on for more than an hour. It could last from 4 hours to almost a week.

I did some research and I found out that there’s actually another term
for this. It is generally known as earworm. According to the most reliable info generator, Wikipedia (hehehehe….), earworm is from the German word Ohrwurm. It’s a portion of a song or other music that repeats compulsively within one's mind, put colloquially as "music being stuck in one's head."

This happens to me a lot of times.

I have listed down some of the weirdest songs which strangely got stuck in my head. Most of them are songs which I never thought that I would listen to in my entire life….

  1. Pokerface by Lady Gaga- the song eventually converted me into becoming a Gaga fan. One month torture. Ruined me for good.
  1. Boys Don’t Cry by The Cure- I love listening to this song while I’m driving. Dunno why.
  2. Bohemian Like You by Dandy Warhols- kept playing in my head for two days.
  1. Across the Universe by The Beatles- makes me feel like I’m always high. Kept playing in my head only in the mornings for one week.
  1. Killamangiro by Pete Doherty- one day lang.
  1. Bizarre Love Triangle by Frente!- yeah, the cheesy romanticism of the 90’s, the good ol’ days. Two or three days in my head but it was okay.
  1. Piece of my Heart by Janis Joplin- my ever beloved queen of rock. One day in my head
  1. First Day High by Kamikazee- played in my head during first day at work, kahit hindi sa school.
  1. Torete by Moonstar88- causes you to be gloomy and sentimental. Darn it! Every now and then it comes back to torture me.
  1. Dreams by Richard Sanderson- overheard this from a commercial and the rest is history. Thank God it doesn’t come back anymore!
  1. Secretly by Skunk Anansie- for some reasons the song hit me right into the core.
  1. Kapayapaan by Tropical Depression- one summer I remembered this song while thinking of killing someone. Seriously. And it kept on going in my brain.
  1. This Time The Dream’s On Me by Ella Fitzgerald- it was one of those nights….
  1. What’s in a Kiss? by Gilbert O’Sullivan- and to be honest, I still listen to this 70’s hit song.
  1. Sukiyaki by Kyu Sakamoto- the original one. I was reading books by Haruki Murakami, and probably the main reason why this song got stuck in my head for more than two weeks.
  1. Io Che Non Vivo by Pepino di Capri- heard it from the radio when I was working in a shoe shop. The owner was an old guy who listened to Italian old songs. It was contagious!

  1. Anything You Want by Roy Orbison- got this after watching the movie Boys on the Side. Three days of torture.
  1. Words Don’t Come Easy by F.R. David- eto na yata todo sa kabaduyan na tumama sa akin ng LSS! It was so lethal it caused me to write the lyrics of the song on the wall of my room!
  1. What’s Up by 4 Non Blondes
  1. Ave Maria sung by Maria Callas- after watching the documentary on her.

Yes, I know. I do have a very strange mental process.

There are songs which are really malignant (Lady Gaga’s song) and no cure is yet found to stop them. Other remedies are downloading the song to your mp3 and listen to it until you get sick and tired (literally) listening to it or like what I did one time, write down the lyrics on the wall or on a piece of paper.

But I’m sure, most of the time you’ll be hit by LSS with some of the best songs that will make you feel blissful and inspired. Others may turn you into a complete moronic emo. Or others might just infuriate you while you’re working or studying.

And here’s one thing that you should know: the moment Lady Gaga’s song begins to play in your head, there is no turning back. What? Oh my? You can hear….. in your head…. Do what you want with my body! …. Welcome you little monster! Harharhar….

Thursday, November 06, 2014

And Speaking of Save the Dates- Weddings!

Next year it’s going to be the year of weddings in our family. My trip back to the Philippines was said to be a vacation but the whole family is actually organizing everything for my sister’s wedding and a bulungan. For those who do not know what a bulungan is, it’s a huddle of the groom-to-be’s family and the bride-to-be’s family to settle arguments and disputes regarding the wedding ceremony (if there are any), the expenses, and the polishing of traditions upheld by both families.

They’re actually fast-tracking this because our family’s remaining matriarch, my beloved grandmother, is still alive and her blessing and consent is badly needed.

We sound like we are some sort of a patrician Chinese-Filipino family. I’d like to think of it that way, but no. They just want everything to be smooth because the future husband and wife have no clear ideas. In my opinion, it’s bound to be stressful and will be full of bickering.

That’s why I decided not to join the bandwagon and go fuck myself somewhere else. On January I’m going to my cousin’s wedding in Ilocos, and it’s quite a dilemma for me- it’s a beach wedding. What am I supposed to wear? Barong-tagalog and a swimming suit? Bahala na!

Since two members of our family are getting married, people are asking why I am still single?

And there you go. I asked God for patience and to remind me the 6th Commandment, because otherwise, there will be merciless genocide.

And then there are those people of our church who believe that the Almighty never authored singlehood, thus it is the devil’s curse, and therefore should be exorcised. These are people who do not believe in the impossible because in God everything is possible, but they are always desperate to pair up people like me. Well, thank you for being concerned, here’s my middle finger and fuck yourself with it.

It’s really annoying whenever they say that they are just concerned. So they’ll put me up in some occasions so I can meet these girls. Beautiful and fabulous girls.

Then these church people would ask me, “What do you think of that girl?”. And I’d say “Fabulous!”. Now the word fabulous coming out of a guy’s mouth- that shouts cock-sucker. But they really don’t get it sometimes.

I can’t get married. Not here in Italy where the government is full of bigots. Not in the Philippines where people are more concerned with Binay’s farm, the honour of serial womanizers in the Senate, than our dream of walking down the aisle in a white suit like a virginal angel with an untouched asshole.

And besides for now, I need money. It’s always cheaper to indulge in the pleasures of my own palm than spend money on clothes and drinks and spend lots and lots of time working out and looking good just to get a random fuck for the night, hoping that it’s true love, only to realize it the following day that you won’t find love in bars and that it’s really absurd to prepare breakfast for some random asshole.

Save the Date

November 1 will be quite unforgettable. That’s the day I ruined the lives of four people in just one day. Yes, I am the ultimate curse for anybody who are going out on a date, and if I ever happen to be in your orbit, then shit’s gonna happen to you; unless we were destined to be at odds.

I was late for work and because of that, my colleague couldn’t leave and go out with her date. She had to call our director who was out on a dinner date with her fiancé (it was their anniversary). Four people were so fucking angry with me.

And I can do that. It’s not skill or talent. It’s a fucking gift goddamn it!

So that was the first day of November for me.

I really can’t help it. Being late is part of my genetic build up.

The following day our director came up to me and said that next time it happens it’s suspension for me. I just shut my mouth and said, ok. After all, I ruined her anniversary (seriously, November 1?) and I almost got a couple to break up.

So what’s next? I hope it will not involve my superiors or colleagues. Universe, how about messing up the lives of other assholes, eh?

Monday, September 29, 2014

Usapang Pekpek: Vagina Monologues (Filipina Flavor)

Though I am not a vagitarian (God knows I often crave for hotdogs and sausages), still the vajayjay fascinates me. Its complexities, its colour, its power to inspire, and its power to drive all men crazy. It is the ultimate secret weapon of women to dominate all men (except for those who are of a different persuasion or those who have no sexual urge at all).

Long time ago I’ve heard about the Vagina Monologues, an episodic play by Eve Ensler. A series of play that has various themes about the vagina, sex, womanhood, and many other social issues in which the vagina is involved.

Now what if some segments of the monologues feature some of the most influential and famous Filipinas? What do you think they’d talk about?   

Inspired by commedian Mario Cantone, here’s the Philippine edition of the Vagina Monologues. Have fun with my political incorrectness!

(for those who are born humourless or brainless, the fucktards who likes to face the public though they are onion-skinned, the following statements are not true)

Anne Curtis- My vagina can swallow you, your friends and this club, and it can even shriek with a soprano voice like a pig while it is being slaughtered.

Paula Jamie Salvosa- So ya think my vagina’z alayer? No! It’s now a preacher!

Sharon Cuneta- My vagina is just as big as a mega star.

Nora Aunor- My vagina could’ve been a National Artist, pero walang himala! Walang himala!

Marian Rivera- My vagina is the most beautiful in this country because it’s psychology.

Claudine Barretto- My vagina is not a badass bitch. It can kick an old man’s ass or my husband’s, but it’s not a badass bitch.

Imelda Marcos- When they searched my vagina, they didn’t see skeletons, just my 3000 pairs of shoes.

Sen. Pia Cayetano- My vagina has beauty and brains and it can run anywhere- marathons, senatorial, it could even run for the vice presidency.

Charice Pempengco- My vagina likes other vaginas. It’s not a big loss for me. Is yours a biritera like mine? No. Because mine’s a pure fucking talent man! I hit high notes and bring my girl to orgasm!

Kristina Halili- My vagina was a one week topic in a Senate hearing because it unwillingly swivelled to the tune of Careless Whisper with some dickhead.

Heart Evangelista- My vagina likes an ugly bamboo-like dick, and everybody’s asking why.

Annabelle Rama- Don’t you dare threat my vagina! It’s not afraid of your vagina!

Mommy D- My pikpik is still ready for gimik.

Vilma Santos- My vagina wants to thank that tactless bitch. She is so bless…

Kris Aquino- My vagina is the ultimate tactless bitch queen of all media. Wait, lemme tweet that and post it in my FB. Daaaahrrrlllaaaaah? Where na you? We will talk about my shit and my vagina. Nownah!

Jessica Soho- My vagina does not find rape amusing.

Deniece Cornejo- My vagina is a joke. It’s a crime scene where anything can happen in a minute. Even rape.

Congresswoman Gloria Arroyo- Hello Garci? I just want you to know that my vagina will not step down. I am sorry.

Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago- My vagina is allergic to stupid and old. It is specifically adverse to Revilla, Estrada, and above all, to that old dick Enrile.

Ombudsman Conchita Carpio-Morales- Are you assailing the constitutionality of my vagina?

Atty. Gigi Reyes- My vagina likes antique phallic things.

Janet Napoles- My vagina likes to suck humongous pork barrels. That’s probably the reason why it’s bleeding a lot here in the hospital.

Sen. Nancy Binay- My vagina has nothing to do with those shady businesses in Makati. It’s always squeaky clean and immaculate. In fact, it will be a hospital and take care of sick politicians accused of corruption and other crimes.

And last but not the least….

Piolo Pascual- My vagina is just a rumor.