We might as well continue all this dirty talk. And since I have confessed here my fondness for Japanese porn, I’d like to tell you about the first porn movie I’ve seen when I was a little girl… I mean boy. I think all boys and some girls go through that discovery. It will start with those uncanny sensations in those private parts and the hounding curiosity about it and the things it could do to a person.
And then there’s the suggestion of bigger boys to fondle your private part. You understand that it feels good but it must be done in secret, especially if the other boy is doing that to you.
I grew up in a very conservative Catholic family that eventually converted to a very conservative Protestant persuasion. Sex and masturbation and porn are definitely taboo. We don’t discuss those things. I don’t even talk about it with my sister and parents. Sex was something that we hope for the young members of our family to discover in the most discreet, conservative and appropriate way.
I discovered it in the most inappropriate and indiscreet manner, the way I understood my homosexuality.
The first porn materials I collected as a horny little boy were those sexy comic strips you usually find in those Filipino tabloids. And of course, I discovered Xerex. We usually have broadsheets, specifically Philippine Daily Inquirer. I got hold of those tabloids thru this man who worked in our house.
My grandmother noticed the presence of those newspapers, and in her most imperial Catholic gesture, she banned all tabloids from that house. Until today, you won’t see any reading material smaller than the Inquirer broadsheet.
My knowledge of (twisted) sex was enriched thanks to Xerex. I understood what sex could look like but I haven’t seen anything real. I can only conjure up sketches and imaginations in my mind, but not the real thing.
A few days after healing my wounds from my circumcision, we were in Muntinlupa visiting our relatives. I was in my uncle’s room hiding from the scorching summer heat outside the house when I suddenly saw a VHS tape. I remember its title- The Reel World 2. I was bored at the time and curious so I put it in the VCR player and there I saw it- hardcore sex in its full color and glory. My eyes were wide open, hormones running all over my body- from the bones to the tip of my newly blooming pubic hair. I thought that was the most wonderful and marvelous thing that ever happened to me that summer.
Then it was all automatic; all natural. I released all the tension that built up inside me. I felt different after that. I knew that something changed in me, some knowledge was implanted in me. I guess that was the feeling when Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit. It tasted so good, and as soon after they savored the bountiful fruit all the knowledge of the world opened their eyes, making them realize their nakedness, the humiliation, and the guilt.
That VHS tape was my forbidden fruit from the tree of knowledge and evil. During my recent trip to the
, I found the
cassette tape in my room. I thought of taking it with me back to Philippines , just a
And that was the early chapters of my sex education.
People usually would fear that kids who saw porn might grow up promiscuous. Not in my case. Unfortunately. I have become a prude. A puritan. But thank God I am not asexual. But my puritan life is just another story.
So this is the first chapters of my real world sex education. And this I say to the cast of that porn movie- wherever you are Lacey Rose (the only woman who could really give me a hard-on) and Nick East (my first favorite porn actor), I still hope you keep it up. And if you have AIDS or herpes or whatever, just stay away from everybody else please.